1. Have you ever been so heartbroken you felt physically sick?
2. I can’t sleep.
3. I think I’m going crazy.
4. The thought of you dating, marrying, fucking someone else crossed my mind today. I vomited my lunch.
5. I stay up all night in the hopes I’ll catch you online. I can’t focus. I can’t think clearly. I can’t concentrate on anything else.
6. I’m getting migraines from thinking about us too much.
7. I’m getting anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. Worse than when I’m on a plane, worse when a 315 km/h typhoon destroyed my country.
8. I can’t sleep I can’t sleep I can’t sleep. And in the small seconds I do from exhaustion, I wake up from nightmares about losing you, heart beating so fast against my chest, another panic attack, barely able to breathe.
9. I forgot to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner again. It doesn’t matter. I’m rarely hungry. I can barely keep anything down these days anyway.
10. Today I contemplated committing suicide for the first time in 11 months.
11. It took me 12 months to move on from you and learn to live healthier. It took you less than 24 hours to ruin all my progress.
12. Screw progress. If I had a gun right now I’d shoot myself. The pain is all too real, all too much, all too familiar. I can’t lose you again, I worked so hard to be okay, I can’t lose you again! I can’t. I can’t do it. Not again. I’ve been depressed for three days in a row when I finally thought I was doing better. I WANT TO DIE. The blackness is suffocating me again. One year, one year of not feeling this way, and here I am again. I don’t know how to survive this again. I barely got out alive last time. Please. I can’t lose you again. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take it. I don’t know how.
13. I can’t breathe. I can barely function while I’m typing this. My hands are shaking.
14. I’ve been crying for three days straight. I don’t know what to do with my hands.
15. I’ve been trying not to kill myself.
16. I’ve been trying not to hurt myself.
17. I think I’m failing.
18. Make it stop."